Tuesday, 30 December 2008

...And Now For Something About Monkeys...

Infinite monkeys + Infinite Typewriters + Infinite Time = Shakespeare

Really? Even an infinite number of monkeys have a lifespan and given an infinite number of time, they'll die typing, assuming that they actually type at all. I would imagine you'd also need an infinite number of Glade Plugins and some sound muffling headgear to try hide the smell of an infinite number of monkeys and the constant "Ook-Ook-Click-Clack" of infinity times ten monkey fingers on an infinite number of typewriters.

What is most annoying about that though, is why Shakespeare? That seems pretty fucking unimaginative. They would type infinite combinations of letters. Every human text in existence would be written and written backwards and written in every language there is.

There would also be a fuckload of new languages, infinite dictionaries taking every language ever and translating it into an infinite number of completely new languages that nobody actually speaks. So even with a page of complete shite, in those infinite languages, you can surely translate it to say absolutely whatever you want.

Every organism who has ever lived and ever will live, will have infinite autobiographies written about them, backwards and in an infinite number of languages. Every piece of text they wrote would have infinite reviews.

They will accurately predict the future. Not that you'd be able to pick out which one was correct, but still. They'd write up every scientific law that binds the universe together using concepts we've never even thought about yet.

Which brings me around to my point. If you'd like to donate a monkey to me, to help this experiment happen, or a typewriter, or even some time, then please email me and I'll put your name in the credits if you like.